all those things we want, but can't have
by Hedonistic Opportunist
Summary: The first time Light has sex with Misa she's terribly loud. Light/Misa, written for springkink.


**a_ll those things we want, but can't have _**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own a thing.

**Warning(s)**: references to L and if you'll want is that way L/Light - but it's not the focus of the piece. Also: obscure imagery (which won't always make sense) and brackets abuse. And yes, I'm obviously brilliant at coming up with titles.

**A/N:** All feedback appreciated. I don't know what else to say, really. Apart from the fact that this is a really disturbing fic. Oh, and yes: FFN, you're such a twat for constantly playing around with the formatting. Half of my pieces have no dividers because of this now ._.

...

The first time Light has with sex Misa she's terribly loud. His name coming out of her mouth is a confession, an act of loyalty and a promise, forged into iron and forever melted in stone. _(We'll always be together now, won't we? You won't leave Misa, will you Light? Because Misa will never, ever leave). _

L is dead and buried, rotting underneath green earth and bothering no one anymore. Light doesn't miss him, even if he knows that he'll never cross paths with such a brilliant mind ever again.

_(The watchdog has been shot dead - you're free to escape). _

Gone are the nights of clanging chains and half-whispered, half-said threats of promised punishment and defeat, all-knowing eyes that look at Light and understand everything. How Light hated him, and - yet, despite everything - knew that L was the closest thing he ever had to a friend.

But it's too late to regret things now.

So yes, because L's not here anymore, Light gives Misa her due reward; she's been pining for this for God knows how long.

Misa body is small and delicate, yet curvy in the right places. With her hair undone, Light thinks that Misa looks even younger and more vulnerable than usual. If Light only had the smallest ounce of affection for her, he'd pause and wonder at the fact that she's trembling - and, maybe, just maybe, he'd learn that Misa, though anticipating this event, is also scared.

_(A child-woman, born to love and to be loved by others in return - and so easy to break). _

Light should be pleased that he's managed to conquer Misa's body and soul. Yet, as he hears the bed creak and feels sweat trickle down his back while he thrusts in out of her, Light cringes inside.

_This is so dirty_, he thinks. It's just two bodies meeting together in a sweaty act that leaves nothing but fluids behind once you're done.

It doesn't mean anything.

_(Just an act of feeding a slave with a few cookie crumbs) _

Although the room is dimly lighted, he can see that Misa's cheeks are pink and that, in spite of some discomfort and pain, she's enjoying this: she's panting heavily and her fingernails are digging deeply into his skin. He wishes she wouldn't do that, but just lie there - it would make the whole disgusting process easier.

_(A doll that is simply pretty and doesn't talk is better than a walking, moving creature of flesh and blood. It won't get in your way). _

Because he _is_ Misa's first, Light isn't rough on her, though - a part of him - would just like to fuck her to death, in order to make her shut up forever. But he can't do that yet. Right now, he still needs Misa. She's a useful asset. Once he grows tired of her, Light will dispose of her. _(once the toy is broken, off it goes into the garbage can)_.

It's annoying. The way she's whispering his name _(Misa is so happy to be with you; Misa hasn't been this happy since her parents died) _.

Light doesn't need her professions of love. He doesn't need to hear how good he's making her feel. It makes the whole thing too real, too messy and Light - ever the perfectionist - prefers for things to run smoothly. He doesn't need to be reminded of the fact that, by doing her, he's lowering himself.

_(Prostituting himself for justice and establishing an utopia, in which everything and everyone will be happy)._

This realisation makes Light's skin crawl - so bad that he feels like scratching it off - _scratch, scratch_ till nothing is left but flesh and bones.

But Light wouldn't be Light if he didn't find a solution for this. And, as he thrusts a few times more and forces himself not to listen to Misa's moans and sighs, he swears that he'll simply use a blindfold to tie around her mouth next time_(how he'd love to wrap it around her neck, block the blood flow and pull, pull until the horrid noise stops )_.

Misa, being who she is, will probably just think that Light likes it kinky.

...


End file.
